Okay, so, for today at least I am completely out of original ideas. So I'm stealing something from nerimon's video today. =D I have decided to write a letter to my past and future self. Yay! I know it's totally unoriginal, and I accept this. Hopefully tomorrow I will have something more interesting to write about. On we go......
(The one to my past will be short)
Dear 11 year old self,
Okay, I know right now you're pretty upset that your Dad is going to Iraq. And these months that you're stuck with your mom are awful. But rest assured that you will gain something out of this experience, and that you will become rather proud.
Middle school sucks. I know it does. You're lost, you're confused, you don't know who you are anymore. But don't blow off these years. When it comes time to leave, you'll really miss those hallways. And make sure that you embrace your Humanities teacher, because she will become your best mentor, the person you still look up to and thank. By the time you graduate 8th grade, you'll find yourself crying. So don't waste these years. It may seem like it sucks, but you'll miss it when it's over.
I know you have no clue what I'm talking about, but PLEASE get involved in the HP fandom a lot sooner than you originally did. You love these books, and they get you through the toughest times. Once you discover the whole community out there just like you, your life will change. So don't wait until 2007. Also, don't try to hide your nerdy passions. Whether you hide it or not, you'll never be popular or even liked much. The teasing will still continue. And, if you embrace your nerdiness, you'll discover a whole community of people who want to be your friend. I know, right now you have no clue what the internet will mean in your life. But it will mean A LOT. And if you just do these things sooner, you won't be quite as lonely.
Unfortunately, I can't reassure you the loneliness will end. It won't. But it's okay. You do have people who want to be your friends, and who think that you're awesome, and who will miss you when you're not around. Yeah, middle school sucks. But don't be afraid to put yourself out there. PLEASE join cross country sooner. Oh, and that swim team? Don't join. It's awful. Take people's compliments more often, and listen to your teachers, because THEY will make the true difference in your life.
I know you're not happy right now. But don't worry--You'll be okay, and you'll find something to keep you going.
Your 16 year old self
P.S. Thank you so much for always saving money! It's because of YOU that I have HP conferences, a laptop, Skype, a microphone, books, and the opportunity to do what I want. THANKS.
Dear 21 year old self,
Hey. How ya doing? Well, how about we sit down and I remind you of some things. And ask you some questions.
Look, 5 years ago, you were lonely. Really lonely. Your best friends lived no where near you, and you communicated on a computer. You weren't necessarily happy about this. They are great friends, who would listen to you rant about almost anything, and who understand you and don't judge you. But you, future self, are confused. Because a friend is supposed to be someone you can see every day and hug and laugh with....and you aren't sure you actually have any friends like that. By now, I'm sure you live in a different place.* Possibly, you aren't even friends with some of those people anymore. And, I'm sure, there are so many different ways of communicating now. But I hope you realize that the friends that you have online are true friends....I mean, I hope you've found some of those in real life by now, too.** But I also hope that you don't hate yourself for all that time you were teased and mostly friendless in high school.
Also, how are those friends of yours? Have you talked to them in a while? Do you know what some of them are up to? If you haven't talked to them in a while, but still have their screennames,*** why don't you check up on them? These people are and were your friends, and you can't let them slip through your fingers. I know, I know, you worry that you're a very forgettable**** person. But worst case scenario, they don't remember you right away and you just have to remind them. Chances are though, they do remember those fun times you had on Skype***** and all the conversations. Because the teasing you got from them was the FUN teasing. They thought you were funny. You were grateful for having them as friends. Let them know that, if you can.
Do you have a boyfriend yet? Just wondering, you know. Because as I write this to you, I've never had a true boyfriend, a first kiss, or a guy tell me I'm beautiful. I'm not exactly sad about that right now, but I would like to know if you have or have had any semblance of a love life since you were 16. Also, future self, I'd like to know how you feel about the above statements. Do you regret your lack of a love life? I certainly hope not, because at the moment I'm grateful for it, in a way. But, as you might remember, there is that one person who you feel you're falling for sometimes right now...How did that go? Did anything come of it?
How's college? Did you end up going to Oregon like I so want to right now? Has it turned out to be everything you wanted it to be? I wonder, too, how you liked the rest of high school. Did you get over not going to FVS? Did you finally accept the cons of Rampart and give it a chance?
It's a tough time right now. And I guess the best I can do is hope that in the future, I'll have some recognition of what these years meant to me. It's hard to know why things happen and what they mean right now. And I'm sure that's true in the future, as well. Most of all, don't forget these years. The present and the future are a lot easier to live in than the past, but remember this time, a time when you weren't happy and everything wasn't perfect.******
Your 16 year old self
*God, I HOPE I live in a different place by now.
**Does college help? Have you found those intellectual friends you so crave?
***Provided, of course, that there isn't totally NEW technology and that you are still able to use those screennames.
****By forgettable, I mean that you believe people forget you easily. Do you still think this?
*****Wow. Does Skype still exist? Because let me remind you, it changed your life.
******Okay, I'm sure it's STILL not perfect. But really, just look back on these times and remember them, so you realize that your life CAN'T really ever be perfect, and that's not a tragedy. It's normal, and it's okay. =D