Okay. I have had so many emotions tonight. And, like Cody said, the best place for me to get them out is by writing them down.
Tonight, Melissa had her ustream chat...usually it's her Book Club, but this week there was no book. Instead...it was....amazing. The best one I've been to yet. First, Melissa started by talking about LeakyCon. Which of course brings out so many strong emotions of me. Excitement, but also...I don't know. I'm very bad at putting how I feel into concrete words. But I always get so many strong emotions with Harry Potter conferences. Because it reminds me of the whole fandom, and the whole experience, and just how amazing our fandom is. I feel so welcome, so loved, so....wow. I always cry when I get together with people from the fandom, because it's just so amazing.
Then she started reading poetry...which doesn't really bring emotions about Potter, but brings up emotions in general. She read Frost and Millay...and all of it is so beautiful. I'm a huge poetry/literature nerd, so I loved that. And I always just start thinking way too much when I listen to or read poetry. Especially if it's Frost.
But what really brought out the strong emotions and the tears was when Melissa started reading from her book and her interview with Jo. She read a few portions that just made me laugh, and she also read the beautiful few paragraphs about the release in Israel. That part ALWAYS makes me smile and feel warm inside. THEN she read the final chapter, Deathly Hallows. Again, I'm awful at putting emotions into words. But it just brings out memories of that night and how I felt when I was reading it. I didn't think it was OVER, but I knew it would be...different. I wasn't sure if it would be bad different, or just...different. Whatever it would be, I didn't like to think about it. As Melissa said, "See you on the other side."
My life WAS different after Deathly Hallows came out. But I really think that's when everything started for me. Because that's when I really got to know people in the fandom, rather than just reading TLC. I got really into the reading groups on Leaky Lounge, and I started really talking to people and making good friendships and....I felt like everything was really still the same, except we knew everything. We were still the same fandom, and we were never going to let these books go. It's who I am, who we are, what we...need. It's beautiful, and it's amazing, and there's nothing else I know that's quite like it.
In just 10 days, I get to go to LeakyCon. I can see Melissa, and Sue, and John, and Frak. I can see wrock shows and dance the night away. I get to see Cody, and Shoshana, and Julia, and Susie, and everyone else from the fandom that I haven't seen since August. It's hard to think about, because it's just so...amazing. And I'll cry. I know I will.
I love our fandom. And I love Melissa even more now.
Thank you, everyone!
This is never gonna end!